I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
