i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
