I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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