I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
