He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
