How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
