All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
