Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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