Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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