Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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