My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
