He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
