So drunk its hurt
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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