So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
