I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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