Me too!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
