He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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