Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
