i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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