How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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