it's too hot outside to masturbate.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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