Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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