I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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