matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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