Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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