No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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