I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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