instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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