I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
