She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
