All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize