You did not just play the dead husband card again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
