Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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