grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
