You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
