She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
