Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
