I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
4 words: hood of his car
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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