end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
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