I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
