I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
