I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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