I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
