Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize