ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
