The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
