she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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