fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
