Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
no you cant smoke seaweed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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