I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
