I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
