So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
