Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
