I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have so many feelings about this burrito
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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