Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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