went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
