So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize