So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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