Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
