I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
