Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I supernannyed him into submission
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
