She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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