everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
