if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
