awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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