I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
