Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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