I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
