Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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