I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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