My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
