I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
