my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize